i'd never say

and you know what?

this time

I think I’m finally okay without you.

and you know what else?

 
i almost believe that.

What to do:

I remember when skyscrapers used to kiss
And roses only cut the deserving
Conversation flowed like good jazz
And hummingbirds generated our energy.

But today the world’s turning is quiet
Gears just barely click in the background
The sunset reminds me of a reality show
And I don’t even have the energy to mow the lawn

But it’s times like these
That you’ve got to hold on
And be free
So I’ll just sing a song
That sounds right to me
And I’ll raise my glass
To all the birds and the bees
The rivers and the canyons
To the mountains and the seas
Cuz all of these things
Are what is true
In this world today
Battered black and blue
Some people just don’t
Have a clue
They spend all their time
Paying off dues
To a man
Who doesn’t understand
Shifting sands
Cuz his hands…

Well, they’re tied with paper chains
And laws that don’t make sense
Like how people are supposed to
Be weaker
Than the government
That made all this money
But it all got spent

I just gotta slap myself
‘til I am myself
And grab a hold of any
Stray fishing lines of hope
I am NOT gonna sit
In a corner and mope
Cuz I
I got a date
With the real world
So hop aboard my ship
Let the sails unfurl
And you
You can help steer us
Wherever we want to go
This is a big wide world
I hope you know

But you just pointed the prow homeward
Hopped off and waved us a farewell
You said “the world starts where I am
And always expands outwards”

I bet you made some change
Or at least inspired a bit
You always did do good work
I myself am off to mow the lawn.

it’s strange

i feel like this should hurt

but no tears come

no pain rips me apart

i just feel echoes of what should be

emotion

i can’t laugh

not really

i can’t cry

not even a tear

i can’t yell or scream or get upset

i don’t have it in me

i can’t do anything

but be numb.

it feels should feel like… i don’t know. what should i feel?

i’m not happy

i’m not sad

i’m not bitter or resentful

i’m not angry or upset

i’m not… anything.

i’m just

numb

it never changes

it used to be so easy.

can you pick me up?

of course!

no complications.

no take-backs.

not anymore.

now we’ve come to

can you pick me up?

sure, no problem.

oh, sorry…. he and i just made plans… i can’t.

really?

i’ve put up with this for over a year and i’m done.

i am not doing this back and forth, my life is not going to be affected by his plans.

this is it.

i can’t rely on you for anything because i will always come second to him.

it was okay for a while but this is too much.

this isn’t friendship.

after this,

we’re through.

I’m going to miss this place more than I can express. I’ve only just met so many new faces and personalities. everyone here is absolutely glorious.

I get to go camping with a friend and her family in the quietest place on earth.

the forest is so still.

almost like it’s holding it’s breath, waiting to see what happens next.

it’s amazing, absolutely magnificent there.