bad to worse
just when I thought my day was bad enough My best friend was put into an inpatient program with nothing more than a text of warning to say she wouldn’t be able to talk for a while. I don’t know when she’s coming out. Neither does she. this is one of the worst days in my life so far.
i got right about to the part where i put the key into the lock the spare key that i know the whereabouts of because… i’ve seen him use it and he knows i’m aware of it’s hiding place i even told him jokingly, of course that i might break in if he wasn’t nice i just want to see things from the other side
about the law
i’m thinking about breaking the law not in a drug sense that’s no where near me but more along the lines of… breaking and entering into my neighbor’s house. i know. it’s too weird, it’s too strange, too stalkerish. but i can’t help but wonder… what does he see? when he looks out his window? into mine? can he see me? the creases in...
how are you?
how am i? i’m tired. i’m tired of fighting headaches sleep deprivation piles of homework, that i never do not dancing having no best friend having distant friends worrying feeling down being depressed feeling sorry for myself destroying friendships feeling worn out eating too much not quite remembering so, how am i? i’m tired.
fading away slowly day by day just watch me
i just need ONE person to ask me if i’m okay and mean it. just one person to care enough to know: i’m not okay
curled up in a ball it feels so nice to be still for a moment not think about anything not the war not my best ex-best friend not my homework, overflowing not my worry enducing sister not a distant friend not my not love life not the weather not what to do just breath and listen to waves of sound bumping up against my ear drums crashing slowly till all that’s left is the...
i woke up today i made you angry best friends no longer not since you and him a year ago in 10 days you’ll have been together yet with an angry spark i split the last log -to be horridly metephoric- of the tree that was our friendship it was my straw to pull the last one to go i angered you my long best friend i’m sorry but retaliation was quick and quiet thank you ...
i’ve been pondering lately the illusions of forgiveness the issues that come with it the connotations that arise forgiveness is more than a feeling it’s a projection of your mistake through another person it hurts it heals it rips it peels
this time around
i wonder if i could ever get into my dream college if i dropped a class. i’ve never done it in my life. straight A student ish but this year with friends gone friends lost friends leaving it’s like everything is crashing down and this time i can’t pick up the pieces not all by myself not this time not now
there are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize...
the one person i would trust my life with
has not been mentioned not really here she is my best friend a girl a liberal unique brilliant intelligent advanced so much more than wonderful hard on herself living a tough life dealing with too much a person i will always love one person who’s opinion matters so highly a heartbreaker a lovemaker a beat taker the girl everyone falls for the one you never see ...
i feel as if i’m under water so deep i can’t tell which direction is up left and right don’t exist top, an illusion bottom, a fantasy digging myself deeper into the abyss of the ocean a watery atmosphere it’s hard to breath way down here in the deep blue sea but i’m learning now because i don’t think i’m surfacing till i can see the sun
the night will go as follows
nolan- busy, per usual. girlfriends don’t help our friendship martin- not even worth the effort it takes to pick up the phone nick- occupied, jerk though he is i still care ry- the boy next door strolling round his house, fourty degree weather, muscular chest displayed in perfect form seeping into my eyes at night